Last year, a couple of days before Christmas, I got an alert from Twitter, asking me to sum up my year in an emoji. It was kind of a silly prompt, but it was also super helpful.
I chose the emoji with the giant eyes bugged out. Because last year ended up looking nothing like my expectations.
In so many of those unexpected moments, I reached for control because I felt scared. The temptation to make sure everything was exactly as it should be came on strongest for me when I felt vulnerable, exposed, and afraid. In those moments, I focused on controlling things and I missed the opportunity to trust Jesus, again and again.
Looking back, I’ve learned that control can be the enemy of wonder.
The experience of disappointment and the temptation to control may be creeping into our Christmas experience. However, neither of these are new struggles. They’re both present in the Christmas story.
In Luke 1, we see two people battling expectations, some disappointment, and even control. They both have very different responses to a message from an angel about an unexpected pregnancy.
First, Zechariah responds to the news that he and his aged wife, Elizabeth, will have a child named John. He asks a question of the angel Gabriel, “How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years.” Zechariah’s unbelief resulted in his becoming mute until their child was born.
Second, Mary is told that she’s going to conceive despite her virginity and her son will be named Jesus and he will be the Messiah. She asks a question of Gabriel and she goes on to write an incredible song we now call “The Magnificat.”
These two stories have always raised a big question for me. Why is Zechariah made mute when Mary is not?” Both pose questions to Gabriel. So why is one singing and one silent? Doesn’t this seem a bit unfair? Did God just prefer Mary to Zechariah? Was God playing favorites? I don’t think so. I think there is a reasonable explanation for the (perceived) inequitable treatment by Gabriel.
The explanation is rooted in two lessons I learned in the text as I was fighting to reclaim my wonder after a year that didn’t match my expectations.
1. God sees the motives in a person’s heart.
In Luke 1:18, we see Zechariah’s question - “How can I be sure?” In Luke 1:34, we see Mary’s questions - “How can this happen? I am a virgin.”
Zechariah’s question indicates a “give me a sign/prove it” attitude versus Mary’s questions which reveal an “I believe, but I don’t get it” attitude.
While Zechariah and Mary’s questions may seem similar, one is rooted in control and the other in wonder. One wants a sign and the other seeks to understand. One desires to control and the other is curious.
That’s why I think God treats them very differently. He sees what we can’t see, He sees the motives.
In 1 Samuel 16:7, we learn that God doesn’t look at the outward appearance; He looks at the heart. God knew what was in their hearts and He knows what’s in ours, too.
Is our heart filled with love or fear that reaches for control? The truth is we can love God or we can try to control God, but we cannot do both. It’s a lot easier to try to control God than it is to trust Him.
Author Donald Miller notes, “You can’t have a true, intimate relationship with people you control. Control is about fear. Intimacy is about risk."
Zechariah is made mute because he didn't trust. Mary didn't understand, but she did trust.
Some of us have very little expectations about what God is going to do in our lives this Christmas. Little expectation, little curiosity, little wonder. We’re wounded, hurting, and we don’t want it to get worse. So, we’ve shut down expectations and wonder.
The good news is God not only sees the condition of our heart; He sees the needs of our heart too.
2. God knows we need to be curious in order to find wonder again.
Wonder is curious about mystery. Control looks to eliminate mystery.
If you’ve ever battled cynicism or you know a cynic, you know that cynics often put up big walls and seem intent on criticizing others. Many have noted that cynicism is merely self-protection. Most cynics are just disappointed people who don’t want to get hurt or let down again.
Cynicism is the enemy of wonder because cynicism is the opposite of curiosity. Cynics are rarely curious and without that curiosity, a heart is never opened to wonder again.
The good news is we serve a God of second chances who opens the door for us to a future that looks different than our past.
In Luke 1:38, Mary responds to the news about how the birth of Jesus will happen with a simple phrase. “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.”
Silent for around nine months, Zechariah does his best to be a servant, too. When asked what name he wants to give his newborn son, he writes, “His name is John.” Instantly, upon writing the name Gabriel gave him for his son, his tongue is finally loosened and he explodes in praise and worship to God.
In the end, both Zechariah and Mary choose to trust and follow God’s plan, even when it challenges everything they know to be true.
I think we all have a little of Mary and Zechariah in us. Sometimes, we ask “What are you doing, God? How on earth are You going to accomplish this?” In these times, I wonder if we’re more concerned with gaining understanding, while God is concerned with trust. We may even mentally acknowledge that God's words are true, but not trust Him enough to act on them.
On too many occasions, I’ve lost my wonder about who Jesus is and what He’s done because I cared more about understanding God than I did about having a sense of awe about His work. Maybe you can relate.
Without that kind of wonder, it’s hard to worship Jesus. Because Jesus didn’t come to be controlled, He came to be worshiped.
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Scott Savage is a pastor and a writer. He leads Cornerstone Church in Prescott, Arizona. Scott is married to Dani and they are the parents of three “little savages.” He is the creator of the Free to Forgive course and you can read more of his writing at scottsavagelive.com.
