When’s the last time you shared a meal or a conversation over a cup of coffee with someone who was much older than you?
As we move further away from our families and connect in churches with our peers, we’re losing the connections to people in different life stages.
Looking back at my early twenties, I now realize I was given a gift. I joined the staff of a church where I worked with and supervised people who were old enough to be my grandparents. While I was beginning my career, they were wrapping up theirs.
While the generational tension was often super difficult to navigate, the gift that experience gave me was watching older adults, especially men, struggling to pinpoint their identity once they retired.
It became apparent to everyone (including the person retiring) that their work had become who they were. They didn’t know who they were once they weren’t going to that job anymore. Sadly, they had bought into the cultural lie that “you are what you do.”
In the moments when I became arrogant and judgmental of their misplaced identity, God quickly convicted my heart. He revealed where I had defined myself by the opinions of others, showing me that I had no grounds to be arrogant or judgmental.
An identity rooted in anything other than what God says about us is a misplaced identity. Any other identity is inadequate and can be lost.
You Cannot Do This Solo
Identifying those inadequate identities is a key part of growing to be more like Jesus. Just identifying those inadequate identities isn’t enough’ we must also replace them with an identity rooted in who God says we are.
However, identifying those inadequate and misplaced identities is not an easy process, especially if we’re doing it alone. Determining if you’ve rooted your identity somewhere other than what Jesus says about you can be as difficult as trying to lather your back with sun block. Few of us are that nimble and flexible.
The following questions can function as a mirror to show you potential blind spots.
Diagnostic Questions
The following four questions may help you identify what other things may have reached identity status in your life.
- If I lost it, what would leave me feeling naked and uncertain of who I was without it?
- After my name, what do I use to introduce myself to people I’m meeting for the first time?
- What skill, ability, or relationship in my life is an area where I struggle with both pride and insecurity?
- If two or three of my closest friends or family members were asked what my identity is wrapped up in, what would they say? Would I protest their answers?
(If you don’t know with 100% certainty how those two or three friends would answer, then why not forward them this article right now and ask them what they think?)
How Do You Make This Change?
What are some steps you can take to root out false identities and replace them with what God says about you?
1. Admit your identity is misplaced.
As most recovery programs state, admitting you have a problem is the first step to overcome that problem. We’ll never stand in our identity in Christ until we name the inadequate places we’ve allowed our identity to settle within instead.
2. Study your identity in Christ.
The best place to learn who we are in Christ is Scripture. Reading through Romans 5 and 8, Ephesians 1 and 2, Galatians 2, 2 Corinthians 5, and Colossians 1 and 2 are great places to start. The image below also outlines a number of verses which describe who we are in Christ:
3. Claim your identity in Christ.
Over the years, words have worn a well-developed path in your mind, cementing your identity in inadequate places. Other words have rooted insecurity in your heart, leaving you questioning your worth and value. In order to not only dig out but also replace those insecure and inadequate identities, you need to identify words which will take root in your heart and mind. Drafting identity statements are a great way to develop those words. For help in drafting those statements, follow the image below or click here.
4. Consistently put on your new identity in Christ.
This might not be the first time you’ve wrestled with and tried to replace an inadequate identity. I’ve been rumbling with my insecurity and my temptation to root my identity in the opinion of others for at least fifteen years. The seasons of greatest spiritual victory in this area have come when God’s grace enabled me to consistently put on my new identity in Christ. In the 4 Steps to a New Identity in Christ article, we explored how practices like getting out of bed and putting on your clothes each morning can become spiritual acts when you connect them to your identity in Christ. Consistently practicing this new identity is key!
5. Patiently partner with the Holy Spirit while your heart is transformed.
The one character quality our culture will never disciple in us is patience. In fact, our culture is doing all it can to encourage impatience in us. Yet one of the first characteristics of the fruit of the spirit Paul lists in Galatians 5 is patience! When the Holy Spirit is at work in our hearts, patience emerges.
You don’t change a years-old misplaced identity in a matter of days. As I noted earlier, I’ve been partnering with the Holy Spirit in claiming and developing my identity in Christ for at least fifteen years.
You will be tempted to give up along the way. You either won’t see change happening, or when you do, it won’t be happening fast enough.
This process isn’t easy. But you must not give up. You aren’t the only one struggling. And you most certainly are not without hope!
In 2 Corinthians 4, the Apostle Paul beautifully described the work we’re doing when he wrote these words.
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”
Scott Savage is a pastor and a writer who believes he has the best last name ever. He leads Cornerstone Church in Prescott, Arizona. Scott is married to Dani and they are the parents of three “little savages.” He is the creator of the Free to Forgive course and you can read more of his writing at scottsavagelive.com.
