The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. – Psalm 34:18 NLT
This morning I received a call from a wife who recently found out her husband is having an affair.
“I just don’t know what to do,” she began. “My daughter was the one that found out my husband is being unfaithful. So I confronted him about it, and things are so awkward around the house. I don’t know how to talk to him about the pain and rage I feel inside myself. The kids are a mess, and I don’t know how to help them because I don’t even know how to help myself! So what am I supposed to do now?”
Finding out that your spouse has, or is, cheating on you, is one of the most profound betrayals a person can experience.
In today’s verse, David is calling out to God in deep need. He is on the run from King Saul, who has set out to kill him. Fleeing for his life, David turns to the Lord with all the pieces of his broken heart.
Are you in a place where your spouse has been unfaithful to you? Does it feel like your heart has been run over by a Mack Truck, and you don’t know how to move forward?
Here are a few suggestions to help you through this season of sorrow:
1. Give yourself time to grieve and process. Finding out that your spouse has committed adultery is devastating. You must give yourself time to grieve, cry the tears your need to cry, pour your emotions out to God, slow down, and create breathing room to let your heart catch up to everything that’s going on in your marriage.
2. Reach out to people you trust for support. Galatians 6:2 says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” The world tells us to shoulder our burdens alone, but God’s way says to ask other believers to help you carry the big rocks life throws at you. Open up to family and friends you trust. Find a church and join a small group there. Schedule a weekly time to connect with loved ones who can encourage and lift you up.
3. Talk to your spouse about what happened. When you’re ready, ask your spouse what led to their affair. Of course, you don’t need to know every little detail of what happened. Still, it’s essential to understand what paved the way to their infidelity. Then, ask them to end things with the other person and work with you to restore your relationship.
4. Meet with a pastor or Christian counselor for guidance. There’s a tornado of thoughts, emotions, and decisions in the wake of an affair. A pastor or Christian counselor can serve as a guide through the storm your spouse’s infidelity has created. But, regardless if your spouse is willing to go to counseling, you go and get the help you need.
5. Find rest in Jesus daily. Dealing with the aftermath of an affair is exhausting. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Schedule time every day to read Scripture and cast your cares on the Lord in prayer (1 Peter 5:7). Let the Word of God refuel your soul and allow His Spirit to mend your heart as you abide in Him, one day at a time.
In light of your spouse’s unfaithfulness, making significant, sweeping changes is tempting. Don’t give in to that. Instead, use these steps to help you process your emotions and to work with the Lord and wise, godly people you trust, to help you rebuild your life.
Find your identity in what Jesus did for you, not in what your spouse did to you.
Dig Deeper
1. Talk to your spouse about their affair. Ask them to end the relationship and get into counseling and church with you.
2. Make a list of safe people you can open up to about what you’re going through. Reach out to them this week and discuss what you need from them this season.
3. Set aside time each day to read Scripture and talk to God in prayer. Also, schedule time throughout your week to engage in healthy, life-giving activities to recharge your batteries (i.e., journal, listen to worship music, grab coffee with a friend, exercise, work on a hobby, etc.)
