Imagine this: Luke, a promising 13-year-old tennis player, was on the verge of a big tournament. As he watched the match before his own, he was confident he would easily defeat his next opponent. Yet, when he took to the court, something shifted. Instead of playing at the top of his game, he found himself failing to deliver his best performance.
This story serves as a powerful reminder for us as parents. Just like Luke, our children can begin their journey full of enthusiasm and faith, believing they have what it takes to succeed. However, when the moment arrives, the challenge can seem overwhelming, and they may falter. It's essential that we encourage our kids not just to rely on their abilities but to lean into their faith as a source of strength. But how do we do that?
Let’s consider how Luke’s mother helped him process his experience. When I interviewed Luke for my book, Moms Raising Sons to Be Men, I was intrigued by how this tennis tournament story seemed to have such a powerful impact on his 13-year-old self. Luke described how very angry he got with himself during the match. In front of the whole crowd, he threw down his racket and made a “McEnroe-like” spectacle of himself. Amid his temper tantrum, he looked up into the audience just in time to see his mother, Helen, get up and leave the stands. Luke lost his match that day, and Helen never returned to the event.
Eventually, Helen joined Luke by the car. On the drive back home, she shared her reasons for leaving: “I will not witness my son showing such disrespect. Your actions today did not display a man who was emulating Christ.” Luke explained why his mother’s response impacted him so deeply. He said, “If she had said, ‘You embarrassed me today, ’it would have hit differently.” You see, Helen’s preoccupation was not about her own reputation; rather, from the depth of her soul, her concern was how Luke’s actions would defame the Name of Christ.
What can you learn from Helen’s example? Help your children understand that you are raising them for the glory of God rather than your own status. Take it from me: after eighteen years of youth ministry, I’ve observed countless kids rebel against their parents' biblical values because they were painfully aware that their parents were more interested in how their Christian friends perceived them than in their child’s spiritual development.
Luke Smallbone is one of seven siblings brought up by his parents, Helen and David. His eldest sister, Rebecca St. James, is a recognized Christian singer and cohost of the Focus on the Family podcast: Practice Makes Parenting. You probably recognize by now that Luke and his brother, Joel, are part of their successful band, for King & Country. When I asked Luke why he thought all of his siblings had grown up to follow Christ, he said he believes that they have dedicated their lives to serving the Lord because their parents nurtured their faith in Christ by genuinely living out their own. Luke credits his anchored faith to his parents' emphasis on surrendering his talent to God. Helen frequently encouraged her children, saying, “Keep your hands open. Be prepared to take a risk.”
Luke says, “My mother always made it a point to have the hard conversations with me and my siblings. My parents taught me to think. They were good at answering my questions. By taking the time to walk my thought process through the answers, they helped me learn to weigh out the possible consequences of my actions. My mother always cherished us, with the perfect balance of love and discipline that said, ‘I am for you. I believe in you. I see who the real Luke is. I know God has something in store for you.’” When Luke reflected on the impact his mother has had on his life, he shared, “My mother is strong, compassionate, and caring, all mixed into one. She raised me with incredible care and honesty. I probably owe all that I am and have achieved to my mom because when a man is loved by his mother, he can end up doing great things...I am grateful to have a mother who selflessly loved me.”*
In her memoir titled Behind the Lights, Helen Smallbone shares, "I truly believe that every mother is a hidden hero." Helen’s life and legacy are clear demonstrations of the profound impact a mother can have on her children and the culture surrounding them.
How did Helen successfully nurture her seven children to embrace and serve the Lord? She lived out her faith in a genuine way. Her kids saw her highs and lows and watched her faith grow amidst some of their family’s most difficult trials. As a parent, realize that often the trials God allows you to endure are not only for your spiritual refinement; He uses them to validate your testimony to your children. When your faith falters, theirs may too. When you resolve to press into Christ, especially when life doesn’t make sense, they will learn this is the normal way to endure trials.
One day, when your children leave your nest, they will have their faith rooted deeply in Christ. Remember, success as a parent does not lie in how well you can control your child. Rather, success is achieved as you guide your children to rely less upon you and more on Christ. The best way to do that is for them to observe how deeply your faith is rooted in your love for Christ.
Jesus offers this insight: “...Everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40). Did you catch the meaning of that statement? Your kids aren’t going to grow up to be who you teach them to be; they will grow up to be like you. So, if you want to prepare your kids ’faith so that they thrive as adults, let it begin with you.
Your accomplishments as a parent are not determined by the choices your children make in life. Instead, as Scripture teaches, true success is found in your obedience to God and in the choices you make for your own life. Here’s your takeaway: let us take a page from Helen Smallbone’s beautiful story and recognize the profound influence your life has upon your children.
As you journey through the ups and downs of parenthood, remember that your focus should not be on your reputation but rather on nurturing their faith in Christ. Like Luke, your children may face moments of disappointment and struggle, but the encouragement and example you set— rooted in love, faith, and authenticity—will guide them toward a thriving relationship with Jesus.
As you lean into your own faith amidst life’s trials, you set a powerful example for your kids, teaching them to rely on Christ in all circumstances. By doing so, you’ll equip your children not only to face life’s ups and downs with grace but to thrive, grounded in their faith. Now is the time to lead by example because the legacy you leave echoes far beyond your immediate influence; it shapes the future of your children and the world around them. And in this, my friend, you will have no regrets.
