What would you do if the person you loved most was killed in a car accident?
What one famous grieving husband did, left a very secular audience stunned. The world has gotten to know Monty Williams in 2021 as he coached the Phoenix Suns to the NBA Finals. His love for his players displayed through heartfelt coaching has gone viral in several video clips shared millions of times online.
Williams first caught the spotlight when his wife was killed in a head-on collision when another driver crossed the centerline of a roadway. The accident killed the driver of both vehicles.
During his eulogy, Williams concluded his remarks with the following words.
”Everyone is praying for me and my family, which is right, but let us not forget that there were two people in this situation. And that family needs prayer as well, and we have no ill will towards that family. In my house, we have a sign that says, ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.’ We cannot serve the Lord if we don’t have a heart of forgiveness. That family didn’t wake up wanting to hurt my wife. Life is hard. It is very hard, and that was tough, but we hold no ill will toward the Donaldson family. And we, as a group, brothers united in unity, should be praying for that family because they grieve as well.”
Wow. Many watching and commenting on the funeral remarked at the incredible act of forgiveness extended by Monty Williams to the other family. When someone who is grieving forgives those who are responsible for or represent the source of that grief, an onlooking world pauses and asks, “How does somebody do that?”
Monty Williams was able to forgive because he knew forgiveness personally. He had experienced the forgiveness of Jesus and he gave what he had himself received. Williams knew the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant told by Jesus in Matthew 18. In that parable, the king asks the man who refused to forgive others some powerful questions. “I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?“
Williams also heeded the words of the Apostle Paul who urged the Ephesians believers to forgive. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Our worship of Jesus is a response to the forgiveness He has lavishly given us. Jesus expects us to not only receive that forgiveness but to extend it to others as well.
Now, you may be thinking, “That’s a great story about that coach. Those are nice verses from the Bible. But let’s be honest. Forgiveness is super hard. What if I just can’t do it? What if it’s too hard? What if it hurts too much?”
As someone who has been deeply wounded, especially in the context of relationships within the church, I’ll be the first to admit that forgiveness is one of the most difficult disciplines of the Christian life. There are a lot of words to describe forgiveness, but “easy” is not one of them. Forgiving someone who hurt and grieved you is incredibly difficult. Yet, at the same time, two other truths co-exist with that one. While forgiveness is immensely difficult, Jesus does call and enable us to do it. Secondly, forgiveness is the path to freedom. If we want to be free from the damaging impact of bitterness, unforgiveness, and resentment, we must forgive, as an expression of worship and surrender to Jesus.
If you’re struggling to envision how to forgive, here’s a few steps I’d encourage you to take.
Name the hurt. Be very specific about what wrong thing happened that you are struggling to forgive. If you need help articulating this, consider completing this sentence. “___________ did _____________________ to me and it hurt me because _________________________.”
Identify the impact of the hurt. Many times, it’s hard to forgive because the impact of the action is unclear. It may be helpful to get specific about the impact of the hurt. “Because of what __________ did to me when they ______________, I’ve struggled with _____________.”
Revisit how Jesus forgave you. Open your Bible to the descriptions of Jesus' crucifixion in the Gospels. Turn to Romans 5:1-11 and read about how what Jesus did freed and forgave you in a way that was completely undeserved. Read Ephesians 2:1-9 about the free gift of forgiveness that you did nothing to earn. Meditate on these truths. Think about your testimony and God's work in transforming you.
Decide to forgive others in light of Christ’s forgiveness of you. As Coach Williams stated above, we forgive because we’ve been forgiven. You cannot forgive because you’re the bigger or better person. But, you can forgive because you’re giving what you’ve received from God. Make the decision today to forgive. “Today, I choose to forgive ______________ for ________________ because Jesus has forgiven me for _____________________.”
Embrace the reality that forgiveness is a decision AND a process. If you've decided to forgive, it's important for you to set realistic expectations. Your emotions may be slow to catch up with your decisions. Forgiveness is both a decision and a process, so be patient. Continue to remain committed to your decision and apply it regularly. You may be able to quickly delete a file on your computer, but you may not be able to quickly forgive and remove a hurt from your heart. The presence of lingering negative emotions does not mean you haven't forgiven them.
In his new song, “Holy Spirit Come,” Patrick Mayberry sings, “I'm bringing in a brand-new song, I'm ready to see the unthinkable, I'm ready for a miracle."
RELATED CONTENT: “Holy Spirit Come” by Patrick Mayberry
You may think it would take a miracle for you to forgive the person you have in mind today. But, that's exactly what happened when Jesus forgave you. He did the unthinkable, a miracle when He forgave all your sins and made you right with Him. That's why you worship Him so fervently and love Him so dearly. That's why you rock out to Air1 in your car and lift your hands high in church on Sundays.
What if there was a new song you could sing because He did another miracle? What if He did the unthinkable and gave you the grace to forgive the wound which is holding you back from the freedom, He has for you?
When our worship of Jesus and our experience of His grace leads us to forgive the deepest hurts we’ve experienced, it’s as remarkable and unbelievable as when a grieving husband stands next to his wife’s body and tells the family of the person who killed her, “I forgive you too.”
What if God did a miracle through you today?
Scott Savage is a pastor and a writer with the coolest last name ever. He leads Cornerstone Church in Prescott, Arizona. Scott is married to Dani and they are the parents of three “little savages.” He helps hurting people forgive others through his Free to Forgive course and you can read more of his writing at scottsavagelive.com
