“If they knew ____________________, they would reject me.”
What did you put in that blank when you read that sentence for the first time?
The word(s) you inserted into that sentence very likely represent a place of shame and fear in your life. I don’t know who “they” are in your life, but I do know what it’s like to carry around a deep fear of rejection and a profound sense of shame.
When I got engaged to my wife, I completed that sentence this way. “If she knew just how much credit card debt I have, she would reject me.” During a pre-marital counseling session, the couple working with us identified finances as a potential conflict point and began facilitating a conversation to equip us to navigate this area in our future marriage. For the first time, I was honest about just how much credit-card debt I had. I felt so much shame around the hole I’d buried myself within, especially as I realized my debt was now going to affect her, too.
As I drove her back to her apartment, I started turning inward and pulling away. Though I was physically in the car with her, emotionally I had pulled far away. She could tell from my body language what was happening and asked me why I was turning inward.
Rejection and shame are like giant walls which keep us from connecting with the God who made us and the people around us. We fear being known by God and others because we believe being known fully will lead to rejection.
Yet, the pages of Scripture reveal to us that this is a lie from our Enemy, not the truth from our Redeemer.
First, God’s response to us is not rejection; it’s rejoicing!
In Zephaniah 3:17, we read,
“For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
God does not rejoice when we sin. But, He does take delight in us as His dearly loved children. He rejoices over us as we come home to Him, as we trust and obey Him.
Second, God’s response to us is not condemnation; it’s connection.
In Hebrews 4:15-16, we learn,
“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”
Jesus was tempted in every way we are. He understands our weakness. He faced the same testing we do. In the presence of God is redemption, through His mercy and grace. Our fear tells us to brace ourselves in anticipation of rejection. Instead, we are surprised by grace, which shows up in abundant supply when we need it most.
Third, God’s response to us is not succumbing to separation, but overcoming opposition.
Therefore, we are encouraged when we read Romans 8:38-39.
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Driving home from that counseling session, I expected my fiancée to separate from me, to pull away or push me away. In anticipation of that rejection, I pulled away myself.
However, in a moment that reminded me of God’s heart towards me, my future wife moved towards me. She invited me to turn towards her, instead of turning inward. She shared her unconditional love for me and her desire for us to build a life together where we didn’t have to hide from one another when we felt shame.
It was a moment I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.
These verses and that memory with my wife remind me of what God has done in my life. He’s at work in a way that echoes the lyrics of Maverick City Music’s song, “Fear is Not My Future.”
It may take you some time to believe and act as if God redeems us without rejecting us. This “goodbye” may not happen in a moment. But, the future on your horizon is determined by the object of our faith - our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
It’s a beautiful future. Hold onto that promise today.
Scott Savage is a pastor and a writer. He leads Cornerstone Church in Prescott, Arizona. Scott is married to Dani and they are the parents of three “little savages.” He loves helping hurting people forgive others through his Free to Forgive course and you can read more of his writing at scottsavagelive.com.
